The haze is terrible now,
the feelings is down again.
蒙蒙的雾，闷闷的心情，
感觉真的不好。
忽然间，
觉得我的人生太单调了。
老师今天说了关于谈恋爱这回事，
恋爱可以是很多人的最好的药。
有了另一半也许情绪会稳定下来。
也许我真的忽然想再次恋爱，
或是觉得人老了，
会不会太迟了。
家人姑姑们都很期待，
可是我的预感恐怕会让大家非常失望。
要恋爱，的确不简单，
想找个伴，说说就会出现吗？
一个人长的不好看，男人婆样，
不太会讲话，
更惨是一直忧郁病，
谁忍受的了啊。
一直盲目追求梦想的自己，
会不会失去了人生的那一扇门。
可是找谁恋爱呢？
爱的人不爱你。
不爱的人却出现。
谁会是我的mr right。
谁会呵护我的缺点。
谁会包容我的情绪。
谁才会敢爱强悍的陈佐佐。
Thursday, 27 February 2014
Sunday, 23 February 2014
LTC 2014 ~the Washington
The journey to Kota Tinggi is crazily far!
5 hours and I would
have already be back to my hometown.
But is okay, the journey in the bus was just sleep and sleep
which is definitely the best time I had to just take a BREAK !!
Kota Tinggi Village may not be as nice I as thought,
probably because I really did expect to see a REAL waterfall,
hehe
but no complaints cause is a camp u see.
One thing I do like was the tent,
luckily it was not a real tent we had to lay our sleeping
bags on the ground,
but it was a man-made wood that made me slept so soundly
even with noise of frishbee and the turkey crippling ?!Again, probably I m too
tired -.-
How do I rate my group ?
probably 7 out of 10 J
they are pretty awesome just that we did not have much time
to know each other more as it was just a 2 day one night camp. But throughout
the games and activites, I realize I had the most patience group ever
throughout many years of camping. Why to say so ? cause we had a very blur and
adorable team leader who always goes missing in action, he don’t really clicks
to what we sometimes had in mind but he is always still awesome as he is really
a nice and funny person. Royce the man of the team, the instructor and the
person who assists us all very well. The first impression he gave me was
another scary boss instructor that we all usually had in all leadership camp,
but seriously he isn’t so. He actually pretty good in thinking out of the box,
day one itself during ice breaking game, He made the idea of using a longer string
on everyone legs, that pretty made the game so easy for us and that’s why
Washington wins it again. Haha. Also, in the next day and the following day, he
does his job pretty well ;) . In life, many people who are smarter tend to not
listen to others ideas or orders but for him is different, I would like to give
him an extra star for it. I believe Social board will be good with him there.
Then, every team you are in, you definitely hopes that there is that one joker
that made the day just right for everyone of us. Yes, we had Peterson the ADC
guy, now I know is adventure club.(sorry ya><) His joke just came
naturally and he is really one of our great motivator. Winning and losing or
what so ever seems nothing to all of us, because I guess we pretty had fun laughing
around. whatever you say it name it, Mr joker will just say give it a try and
go for it, less of hesitation but we always work hard to solve it up. On top of
all his jokes, he is pretty good in solving situation through trial and errors J liked how we did it in
traffic jam I guess. QC the hard worker and the good follower, I believed he will
be someone awesome when he start voicing out his thoughts. I always believe in
inner talent hidden in people who is shy, and that talent will one day somehow be
stimulated. Haha. Get it ? seriously thanks for supporting my hand in the game
on transferring the water- cant really remember the name of the game, I can
really feel the strength he puts lifiting up the person and I feel pretty bad
for having such a weak hand ><. Tze Ching, tisu that’s how I remember her
name. it took me a few second to translate tisu into mandarin to shout out her
name, and yes I got it right! For real, I admire her courage; I guess she had
the most out expectation experience during wall climbing, despite her injured
back, she overcome her fear even with some doubts on us, and made it through
the wall ! Give her a really big big clap !!! besides that, I see she had many
ideas in her mind, quite of a talent as a planner and a leader. She will really do well in her gathering
night. Jia you o ! Good luck in your journey in MCC. Many tasks were also made
easy with our 50kilo irover guy Weisheng, luckily he was there, or the girls
will be to blamed for being heavy. Haha. Having a rover in a group is pretty
cool, they do those rafting, building and tying. I was once a scout too and
definitely those things we do are so tough and challenging, to expect others to
have such a super challenging tasks that will be pretty hard for many of them.
Just something I like to clarify- no hard feeling. Energetic as he always is,
he came out with our group cheer and save our day. haha- Rovers style! Service
cell guy- the person who made most of the volunteering. Unlike most of us, he
always listen to instruction very clearly. Besides, he is a very helpful guy
too J
Pua, the only person I knew earlier, so blessed to have her around, cause she
always keep me updated whenever I went missing. Thanks for so many things that
you prepared and borrowed me. Forgive my laziness. hehe. Well, generally is
just my tiny point of view, it might not be so true as I just knew most of them
like two days ago. Hehe. So don’t hate me if I do really annoy anyone. Also my
apologizes for not being updated in fb before the camp, did not managed to go
online most of the time, and when I did, did not really had the initiative to
say anything. That is solely my bad.
What I think of 18th INTIMA?
From the very first time I meet all of them until today, I
always admire the courage they have. One thing I believe I hardly sees in me. Besides
that, they are nice people that’s for real, I m still holding that slightest
believe that they will put many small clubs into consideration and not to
neglect them. Whatever the outcomes is, probably the camp isn’t as good as many
expected, but to come to stand on their position, I think it wont be so easy to
actually satisfy everyone needs. A student government that has to hold the
responsibilities of thousands of students sounds pretty scary for me. But for
them to actually think of many ways to improve things up and they put their heart and effort as much as they could, is really something we should be looking into. For
trouble I might had caused earlier to the 18th intima, I still feel
a little sorry for it. Honestly, after certain incident, they sort of did
motivate me to strive further. I thought of just retire after a year of service but today i am still working on plans, bigger plans probably. They service people in a very large group and
they actually opened my eyes to do my services in my areas. Just like how
things has been done lately. :) They really did not pay me to brag about this
cause frankly speaking i know maybe they actually still dislike me.hehe Still with
my dreams in mind, my plans on bigger services that had to come to a hold. I
pretty thankful that i made it into LTC so that it reminds me to keep my dream going even
though I am still having a tough time with my final year project.><
That's all for now ~~ Good luck to ALL!! till we meet again :)
*no hard feelings, is just my point of view
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
如果摔的越痛 才越會飛行
最討厭 要下不下的雨
可惜未來總是 撲朔迷離
如果摔的越痛 才越會飛行
快把我 丟向最高的天空裡
不喜歡 別人說我幸運
他們不懂我有 多麼努力
雖然衝動永遠 比堅持容易
寶貴的東西都需要很費心
碰到的事 每一天都不同
有的給我眼淚 有的給我笑容
終於會珍惜花開不怕花落
走過的曲折 就全變成彩虹
不喜歡 別人說我幸運
他們不懂我有 多麼努力
雖然衝動永遠 比堅持容易
寶貴的東西都需要很費心
遇見的人 每一天都不同
偶爾失去什麼 偶爾學到什麼
慢慢能翻越沙丘走出日落
每一天的我 要比 昨天遼闊
連我都不相信自己的時候
只有你一直相信我
此刻我什麼也不想說
因為擁抱能表達得更多
碰到的事 每一天都不同
有的給我眼淚 有的給我笑容
終於會珍惜花開不怕花落
走過的曲折 就全變成彩虹
遇見的人 每一天都不同
偶爾失去什麼 偶爾學到什麼
慢慢能翻越沙丘走出日落
每一天的我 要比 昨天遼闊
不习惯的环境
情绪一天比一天低落。
不懂那里出现了问题，
也不懂该找谁帮忙。
我的final year project 的题目，
好像不受老师肯定，
不介意重新换题，
但我真的不懂要怎么找好的题目，
要从哪里开始，
还是从那里更改，
老师又一直没心指导我，
我好讨厌这种无助的感觉。
今天一位老师也说了，
‘你们已经第四年咯，要快点背完方剂，应该互相跟同学对问。’
我心里第一个反应就是‘怎么可能！！’
跟他们四年， 我一直都很羡慕我的学长学姐们，
因为他们很团结，又很努力。
我这一班呢。。。。。
不是害怕谁比谁好，
就是害怕谁偷了谁的knowledge。
简单来说，超级怕输。
现在只是读书而已，
我真的不能想象以后为了钱，
大家嘴巴上挂着的恩怨。
一些乖乖生，
做什么功课一定要比别人好，
这是很好的心态啊。
但来到实习，
神神秘秘的找资料，
你问他，她什么都说不通，
一直很不耐烦的说好难好难，
可是其实他已经把答案交上了。
一些人却一直很会装傻，
这个不懂，那个不懂，
你教了他，
他再装不懂，
而在你没发现的过程了，
她得到老师的欢喜，
在背后慢慢地踩死你。
一起吃饭的我们，
非常非常少地互相交谈关于病例，病案，经验。
以前的我，
会一直分享，
可是我慢慢发现没有人是愿意这么做的。
所以，一坐下来就是谈一些大大小小人物的好坏事。
除了事业的事，还有好多正经事是可以轻松的谈起来。
可惜不在这一班里。
一直让我怀疑，
是不是选错系了，
这中医系的人都是那么自私的吗？
四年了，
我还是不习惯这种own world 的环境。
一直压抑，一直忧郁，
因为这里没有一个东西事值得我松口气。
在我最需要帮忙的时候，
没有人愿意帮我，
辅导我。
也许我表面上看起来什么都懂，
但我经历的是万倍的烦恼，
一直挣扎，
因为华文比较差，
对一些理解还是模糊的，
像现在那样，
没有方向感，
同学一直假装不懂，
但大家已经快完毕他们的功课了。
不懂那里出现了问题，
也不懂该找谁帮忙。
我的final year project 的题目，
好像不受老师肯定，
不介意重新换题，
但我真的不懂要怎么找好的题目，
要从哪里开始，
还是从那里更改，
老师又一直没心指导我，
我好讨厌这种无助的感觉。
今天一位老师也说了，
‘你们已经第四年咯，要快点背完方剂，应该互相跟同学对问。’
我心里第一个反应就是‘怎么可能！！’
跟他们四年， 我一直都很羡慕我的学长学姐们，
因为他们很团结，又很努力。
我这一班呢。。。。。
不是害怕谁比谁好，
就是害怕谁偷了谁的knowledge。
简单来说，超级怕输。
现在只是读书而已，
我真的不能想象以后为了钱，
大家嘴巴上挂着的恩怨。
一些乖乖生，
做什么功课一定要比别人好，
这是很好的心态啊。
但来到实习，
神神秘秘的找资料，
你问他，她什么都说不通，
一直很不耐烦的说好难好难，
可是其实他已经把答案交上了。
一些人却一直很会装傻，
这个不懂，那个不懂，
你教了他，
他再装不懂，
而在你没发现的过程了，
她得到老师的欢喜，
在背后慢慢地踩死你。
一起吃饭的我们，
非常非常少地互相交谈关于病例，病案，经验。
以前的我，
会一直分享，
可是我慢慢发现没有人是愿意这么做的。
所以，一坐下来就是谈一些大大小小人物的好坏事。
除了事业的事，还有好多正经事是可以轻松的谈起来。
可惜不在这一班里。
一直让我怀疑，
是不是选错系了，
这中医系的人都是那么自私的吗？
四年了，
我还是不习惯这种own world 的环境。
一直压抑，一直忧郁，
因为这里没有一个东西事值得我松口气。
在我最需要帮忙的时候，
没有人愿意帮我，
辅导我。
也许我表面上看起来什么都懂，
但我经历的是万倍的烦恼，
一直挣扎，
因为华文比较差，
对一些理解还是模糊的，
像现在那样，
没有方向感，
同学一直假装不懂，
但大家已经快完毕他们的功课了。
Last night, i re-read the letter my ex roommate gave me. It says a lot. Lying close to the letter I sleep with just a few drop of tears.
信里面的一句：
‘不管事实伤了你多少次，妳还是会选择一再相信，一再参与，一再想帮人，这不是笨，这是种优点’
To always give me an ear and a shoulder to lean on !
Monday, 17 February 2014
It will be alright ~
Just right after briefing on our FYP,
it feels so stuffy and irritating,
I haven't really got my direction and my topic,
Guess what!?
My lecture does not have any intention to help me.
I don't know why,
but I am guessing that he dislikes me.
Anyway I looked and searched,
probably I see it in the wrong way,
and CNKI - NONSENSE ! they don't allow me download.
Online searching for Malaysia research papers,
there don't seems to be many,
and why does my lecturer doubt the topic I look into !
Once again, I cried in the car !! :'(
Forget about it anyway.
back to reality !
probably I just need to do it slowly,
once at a time,
work harder and smarter maybe.
No matter how biased those lecturers can be,
it probably tells me to push extra harder to achieve my needs,
just like all those years that I fight for my life.
Tough life, but is still bearable.
I feel much better after dodge ball,
after coincidentally meet my ex roommate,
after my senior console me.
So glad that at least something good is happening.
My ex roomie,
spend that little time calming me down,
taught me to do it a step at a time,
shared her experiences on her FYP,
roughly explained the niche and demands to guide me through my topic,
even though she might not be so certain on chinese medicine,
she did actually hint me in my findings,
if only if she is my roommate now.
Missing her sitting beside me and all the long night talks.
Being so far away,
he tried to make me feel better,
it feels good to keep in touch with my buddy again,
knowing that we actually lose contacts for quite some time,
I miss him and I miss our basketball and badminton time.
Take good care of yourself there !
and yes I will FIGHT for myself and try to reject all those endless jobs. hehe
Dear God, do Wish me LUCK ~~~ <3
it feels so stuffy and irritating,
I haven't really got my direction and my topic,
Guess what!?
My lecture does not have any intention to help me.
I don't know why,
but I am guessing that he dislikes me.
Anyway I looked and searched,
probably I see it in the wrong way,
and CNKI - NONSENSE ! they don't allow me download.
Online searching for Malaysia research papers,
there don't seems to be many,
and why does my lecturer doubt the topic I look into !
Once again, I cried in the car !! :'(
Forget about it anyway.
back to reality !
probably I just need to do it slowly,
once at a time,
work harder and smarter maybe.
No matter how biased those lecturers can be,
it probably tells me to push extra harder to achieve my needs,
just like all those years that I fight for my life.
Tough life, but is still bearable.
I feel much better after dodge ball,
after coincidentally meet my ex roommate,
after my senior console me.
So glad that at least something good is happening.
My ex roomie,
spend that little time calming me down,
taught me to do it a step at a time,
shared her experiences on her FYP,
roughly explained the niche and demands to guide me through my topic,
even though she might not be so certain on chinese medicine,
she did actually hint me in my findings,
if only if she is my roommate now.
Missing her sitting beside me and all the long night talks.
Being so far away,
he tried to make me feel better,
it feels good to keep in touch with my buddy again,
knowing that we actually lose contacts for quite some time,
I miss him and I miss our basketball and badminton time.
Take good care of yourself there !
and yes I will FIGHT for myself and try to reject all those endless jobs. hehe
Dear God, do Wish me LUCK ~~~ <3
Sunday, 16 February 2014
Tough luck Tough life
可以说我是用工作来麻醉自己的忧郁，
也可以说我最近真的很需要赚点钱。
With a car, it is much more convenient to go wherever I want,
But with it, my expenses hike up,
besides, with the car being 10 years old,
I'm still worry that it will break down anytime.
With a true intention of helping more and more people,
seeing more patients,
I feel good.
But when I am in need of cash.
I tighten my expenses,
sacrifices my pennies of meals,
gradually cutting down the fun with friends,
cracking my head on earnings,
so that I can afford to pay for my experiences.
I don't know what my brain made up of,
when there is no work,
I became depressed thinking all the nonsense,
but when i have work,
the brain asked me to stop from being too exhausted.
The worries never stop.
and I never stop thinking.
Yesterday, I met a 99 years old patient,
I dont understand how could he live till that age,
and still walking.
How much I wish I could end my misery right away.
When can I be strong enough to face reality?
When can I be mature enough to think properly?
When can I be brave enough to keep moving without tears?
When can I be capable enough to help my family?
In a dilemma ~
也可以说我最近真的很需要赚点钱。
With a car, it is much more convenient to go wherever I want,
But with it, my expenses hike up,
besides, with the car being 10 years old,
I'm still worry that it will break down anytime.
With a true intention of helping more and more people,
seeing more patients,
I feel good.
But when I am in need of cash.
I tighten my expenses,
sacrifices my pennies of meals,
gradually cutting down the fun with friends,
cracking my head on earnings,
so that I can afford to pay for my experiences.
I don't know what my brain made up of,
when there is no work,
I became depressed thinking all the nonsense,
but when i have work,
the brain asked me to stop from being too exhausted.
The worries never stop.
and I never stop thinking.
Yesterday, I met a 99 years old patient,
I dont understand how could he live till that age,
and still walking.
How much I wish I could end my misery right away.
When can I be strong enough to face reality?
When can I be mature enough to think properly?
When can I be brave enough to keep moving without tears?
When can I be capable enough to help my family?
In a dilemma ~
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
13th Day of CNY ~ Nursing Home with the folks :)
Today, is a very special and meaningful day !!
So glad that it really happened !!!
之前还烦恼着，去那儿，到底要准备什么，
饼干又不行，因为太腻了，对他们好像很不健康，
红包又不行，我还没赚钱，给红包，好像很奇怪，
空手去也好怪，不懂要怎么开口让他们知道我们是去拜年的，
因为他们一看到我们的红衣，就会以为是来针灸治疗。
怎么办(⊙_⊙)？
一早，就去了Ms Ooi 的办公室，
准备了今天的items。
Ms Ooi 好细心，
准备了好多饼干，一箱的橙子，
给我们带过去。
我与荣勋准备好礼物了，大家就出发了！
Honestly, it was a super meaningful day.
I am so grateful that such a day actually existed !
Those smiles on their faces,
How happy they were when we gave them just a simple angpau of gift,
posing over the camera with their smile,
warmly held our hands,
sharing us their stories.........
THESE ALL means so much to me.
June ~
今天很棒！她蛮会逗老人开心的!!
看她一副小姐样，
但面对老人的确不简单。
她的美，
现在除了可以电上外面的男人，
还特别，
吸引了ah gong ah po !!!
June 与老人沟通只好给你个赞 ！
Wen Jun ~
So glad that it really happened !!!
之前还烦恼着，去那儿，到底要准备什么，
饼干又不行，因为太腻了，对他们好像很不健康，
红包又不行，我还没赚钱，给红包，好像很奇怪，
空手去也好怪，不懂要怎么开口让他们知道我们是去拜年的，
因为他们一看到我们的红衣，就会以为是来针灸治疗。
怎么办(⊙_⊙)？
一早，就去了Ms Ooi 的办公室，
准备了今天的items。
Ms Ooi 好细心，
准备了好多饼干，一箱的橙子，
给我们带过去。
我与荣勋准备好礼物了，大家就出发了！
 |
| 好多好多礼物，很有成就感！ |
I am so grateful that such a day actually existed !
Those smiles on their faces,
How happy they were when we gave them just a simple angpau of gift,
posing over the camera with their smile,
warmly held our hands,
sharing us their stories.........
THESE ALL means so much to me.
 |
| 去年针灸的其中一位婆婆。 三个月没见，婆婆还记得我哦！开心！因为婆婆曾经问我，到底是男的还是女的，就是我性感的声音给了她很深刻的印象。嘻嘻 |
 |
| 我的语言上障碍><不会广东话的我就只好比手画脚。 |
 |
| 今天刚认识的一位婆婆。 好健康哦，谈得来。一直很开心的感谢我们的到来。 |
 |
| 我很爱的廉泉uncle。 Uncle 不说话，但response很好。一直嘻嘻的笑，一直紧紧地握住我的手。so warm ! 今天Uncle的病情好像有稍微的改善咯！现在有比较能回应了！Yeah~ 我相信Uncle 也希望自己快点好起来，因为无法表达，Uncle 也会一时的掉眼泪。 Uncle 要加油！！ 看到UNCLE要wave ! 他一定会笑的。 |
 |
| June 美女！不简单哦！ |
今天很棒！她蛮会逗老人开心的!!
看她一副小姐样，
但面对老人的确不简单。
她的美，
现在除了可以电上外面的男人，
还特别，
吸引了ah gong ah po !!!
June 与老人沟通只好给你个赞 ！
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| 抢了我的uncle! hehe |
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| 很厉害的婆婆！9 个孩子的她说‘现代不一样了，女生跟男生都是平等的，不再重男轻女咯。而且有的时候女生会比较厉害！’哈哈！！乐观婆婆也非常开心看到我们。 |
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| 婆婆摆Pose！ |
少了好多wen jun 的照片，
因为她是我们当天的photographer !
我觉得大家也懂， 跟雯君谈天，总会有种舒服感，
我相信老人家也会感受她的热情。
而且让我称赞下，
雯君超甜的笑容，
一笑起来，应该没烦恼咯。
It feels like a dream sometimes,
dream of my home in future was built here.
I love seeing elderly like I always do.
I miss my daddy and mummy who are all far away from me.
many of the time, I think of what can I do to reduce their suffering as a daughter myself.
My daddy don't used to give sweet words and hugs,
as cool as I am,
so does my daddy is;
but he cares and I know he will always try to give me his best.
I always have some poor communication with my mummy,
cause she is a little ill,
and at many times,
I fought with her, disappoint her.
My patience wasn't good when I talk to my mummy,
she always try,
always try to give in for me :'( .
Yes, I wan home.
But I know is not now. I only can get home until I am capable enough to reunite the family.
Time will tells and I will wait.
O ya ~ I had a fortune cookie today and it said ~ 'Nature, time and patience are the three great healers.'
this must be the best answer for now =)
也感激老天留下爱心满满的他们 <3
Take care ^-^
Wishing the very best to each and everyone of them <3 <3
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| 麻将一流！ |
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| uncle 的赞pose |
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| 反应很大的Uncle，但很可爱啦。还会Pose!! uncle 很喜欢我们送的酸梅:) |
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| (●'◡'●)得好灿烂！ |
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| 我们的梁老师-非常的严肃也很细心的教我们，就是要为病人好、为我们好。~怕怕 |
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| 还有、老师也非常非常有爱心的哦。婆婆们都叫老师为师傅！ |
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| 专注！ |
It feels like a dream sometimes,
dream of my home in future was built here.
I love seeing elderly like I always do.
I miss my daddy and mummy who are all far away from me.
many of the time, I think of what can I do to reduce their suffering as a daughter myself.
My daddy don't used to give sweet words and hugs,
as cool as I am,
so does my daddy is;
but he cares and I know he will always try to give me his best.
I always have some poor communication with my mummy,
cause she is a little ill,
and at many times,
I fought with her, disappoint her.
My patience wasn't good when I talk to my mummy,
she always try,
always try to give in for me :'( .
Yes, I wan home.
But I know is not now. I only can get home until I am capable enough to reunite the family.
Time will tells and I will wait.
O ya ~ I had a fortune cookie today and it said ~ 'Nature, time and patience are the three great healers.'
this must be the best answer for now =)
也感激老天留下爱心满满的他们 <3
 |
| Tze Shun ~ 本来非常积极，但可能因为第一次，环境有点吓了她。本来顽皮的她，也忽然静下来了。第二次应该会比较勇敢哦。加油！ |
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| 爱心满满的荣勋 - 我的伙伴，一大早和我一起准备礼物。 还有我的好朋友布莱恩，也是我的好司机！因为昨晚睡不够，今天他也很累咯，辛苦了！ |
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| 两位笑容灿烂的大美女。 |
This is a very special blog to remember the time I had with them, not only on this very one day but those 6 months I had with them. How much I love seeing them is pretty hard to be described in words.
Deep down, I do feel a little sad for no longer routinely see them for treatment. But I definitely still hope to revisit them more often if possible.
20 years or maybe 30 .. 40 years later ~ still hoping and dreaming for the best services best structure best location for a home for the elderly in need.
20 years or maybe 30 .. 40 years later ~ still hoping and dreaming for the best services best structure best location for a home for the elderly in need.
Take care ^-^
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